We’ve all heard of the “adorable” who’s “tinotoyo na naman” and won’t keep in touch with your off nowhere.

Right after which there’s the “sweet” sweetheart who’s so “seloso” and safety, he’d instead their girl maybe not head out in that sweet crop very top.

But remove the rose-tinted cups of romance and they faculties wont appear because simple and lovely.

When you yourself have someone special who won’t “give your approval” to complete such things as spend time together with your family or don a particular brand of clothing, then you might feel dealing with you with a controlling actions.

Managing conduct 101

In an interview with GMA News using the internet, commitment coach and romance author Aileen Santos asserted that a controlling actions is not healthy for union.

People may believe it’s only a manifestation of like or concern, or that they are only getting protective, nevertheless main definition for this behavior suggests deficiencies in trust in each other.

Santos discussed that after one provides boundaries or conditions to his or her spouse, it’s because they don’t depend on trust their wisdom. So when the controlling behavior continues, the partnership takes on a parent-child dynamic, in the place of a boyfriend-girlfriend one.

“You don’t believe their partner’s judgment. Exactly what energy they’re designed to get home or exactly what areas they may be expected to head to, therefore it changes the dynamic. The effect is often the more spouse will become they’re perhaps not respected,” she described.

Here, Santos offers an effective aim: unless you faith their unique judgment, what makes them?

She put, “If your don’t believe each other in something as simple as venturing out, next just what much more utilizing the important items? So those quick issues, if you have no rely on and admiration, next like dies super rapidly when that takes place.”

President of AMD appreciation experts for individuals and lovers Maribel Sison Dionisio in addition described that this conduct might be a sign of a big insecurity and low self-esteem making use of notion that in case they enable sugar daddies their unique lovers commit aside, then your mate will discover anybody better than them.

“If you’ve got reduced self-worth, you’ll end up being distressed that the individual are speaking with other folks. but if you’re feeling good enough about your self, confident and safe in your self, which you believe your spouse, subsequently di mo na kailangan i-monitor,” she included.

Cold weather shoulder

Frigid weather neck therapy — an individual is actually all of a sudden “tinotoyo,” silent and clearly agitated however claiming why they are agitated and declining to have interaction using the some other — is called stonewalling in therapy, Santos stated.

Stonewalling could be for numerous grounds but a factor is actually for sure: it is far from good for any union. Indeed, it becomes damaging for all the connection.

She said, “If need their relationship to final, you have to discover ways to fix conflict within two of you. Stonewalling does not aid in any way, in fixing problems since you are revealing their fury however truly producing a move allowing your partner to make it up to you or try to understand just why you had been damage to begin with.”


Based on Santos, jealousy could be healthy in the event that you feel they, reveal they your lover as well as have a discussion about this.

Santos put it’s in addition healthier if there’s real reason behind the envy to take place which all comes from the limits we arranged for our selves.

She explained that it’s necessary for partners to know what their own borders include, both physical and mental.

“Physical borders become kinda more straightforward to decide, as you do not french-kiss all of your buddies, appropriate? However When you are considering mental limitations, you both have to define exactly what are the points that your reserve for a pal, exactly what are the stuff you reserve for a boyfriend or girlfriend, and what are the stuff you reserve for a spouse.”

She put, “whenever these everything is clear, you’ll really avoid envy as you are able to diagnose. that isn’t some thing I Am giving out to any or all of my pals and that I think I should just reserve this to my personal girlfriend or my sweetheart.”

Santos companies one common predicament, even in films: a girl getting insecure with her sweetheart’s ideal feminine friend because boyfriend constantly operates toward second rather than the previous.

“It’s perhaps not about being possessive,” Santos starts. “It’s over being aware what each standard of partnership deserves. You can find activities kepted for our unique mate. Whenever We’re giving they off to other people, next we need to place a on that.”